I AM A LESBIAN; SO WHAT? a perspective of a gay

Part 2

My conversations with Judith here , who was only breaking out of the shell of silence and stigmatization got me thinking . My attempts to get Judith again to talk over the topic and hear her perspective were futile. I needed to hear from someone; curiosity was killing me, just as it is doing to you. So I asked one guy who is in the LGBTI category to share his story on how it started, how it has been up to date.
This guy, Brian to be specific is a man in his mid twenties, a student and a hustler. I have known him for quite a while now and he has kept his private life on low profile. He has had his share of drama in life but has continued being real to self. At first I could not even suspect that he was gay but with time I have come to learn alot about him. Being the scribe that I am , my work is to write what i hear not what i think so here is the story of Brian "I was born and raised in a conservative family, my parents were both leaders in the local church and going to church every Sunday was a norm for my sisters and I. Throughout childhood,  I could tell I was different, I was quiet, unsure of myself, socially anxious at most times. Before I even connected the word “gay” with two men liking each other, the other kids a had made it part of their vocabulary and readily let me know that I was.

I never paid any attention to their claims, it was not until Hugh school when my friends started getting attracted to the opposite sex and was I stuck with the realization that Iwasn’t at all interested in girls. Having brought up in a traditional setting, I knew I had to be 'normal' I tried going out with girls like my other friends but it just could not work.

After my first year in school, I discovered that there existed other people like I, I came to appreciate who I was. I decided to come out to my close friends, this would mark the beginning of my woes in school,I came face to face with discrimination based on who I was. I targeted by people who I confided in. Life stopped being normal for me.

Word got to the school administration and my parents were summoned to explain why their son is a homosexual, I was suspended for two weeks to 'be normal'. My family would make homophobic comments about me, my father would ridicule my walking style, I was told that my voice was not man enough, my height was put on the radar and u was prohibited from having male friends. I became some sort of a bad omen to my family. My uncles banned me from hanging out with my cousins for the fear of infecting them with the homosexual devil

My life back in school was difficult during the first week after the suspension,  my items were stolen a complain to the administration would be met with arrogance and the misfortune termed as my own making

Life took a drastic turn, I was raised as if I was my own sister, I had to make plans that a guy my age would not imagine making in a normal setting. I had to plan on how I would survive if I was disowned, life became meaningless, my father enrolled me for counselling sessions at the local church, society viewed me as a psychological case. I was lectured on how the devil was using me to destroy my family's lineage. To me I believe that We are born in a society full of contradictions, we are brought up accepting murderers but killing and bashing people whose only crime is to love differently. 

I know you have alot to say about this but the guy spoke his heart. In part 3 we shall seek to have a religious perspective on it and we shall be done on this series. 

Enjoy you reading

I AM A LESBIAN; SO WHAT?

Part 1

“Am a lesbian” Judith said this, looking straight into my eyes. That statement rang hundreds of times in my head, I could not see or conceptualize how a girl I had a crush on since the day I met her was one of the most ‘dreaded’ people in the society. I had been trying to make advances to Judith a couple of times but she always turned me down, I couldn’t understand why since I had never seen her with a man before neither had I ever heard her ‘praise’ her sponsor as many chiqs her age would do to push away the attention of ‘small fish’ like me . Judith was a dazzling beauty; her eyes spoke of innocence, her smile was enough to make you spend your last coin, even if it means consulting our friend in risky times, Mshwari. She was a down to earth girl with manners only related to a good upbringing and strict parenthood, she was calm, friendly and quiet most of the times. She could make my ideal lifetime partner!

For a moment I wanted to ask tens of question but somehow my mouth kept shut. I was trying to answer these questions as they passed through my mind. I was dumbfounded! I know you are now thinking that I had never had of any lesbian, gay, and all those terms used to describe people who do not subscribe to our way of ‘choosing partners’- just to be polite. For your information, I know many of them, and to set the record straight I have no issue with them in particular and neither am I one of them. Judith had still held her eye contact with me, I could tell that it took a lot of courage to say these 3 words, this had taken me by surprise. Why Judith why? I couldn’t control myself but ask this question, I had ignored this urge to ask a question but emotions overtook me and as they say; emotions are like an urge to pee, once you get the urge to let it out, it doesn’t matter where you are, who you are or what you want, you just have to gratify that desire.

For a while Judith hovered her eye contact from me and looked around the not so crowded Java garden city, this is the exact place I had met her 6 months ago while on a family day out, no not exactly a family day out but a familiarization day, to get a closer experience with this gargantuan (I hope I spelt this right) mall that had taken the city by a squall. On that day I was in the company of my sister and her two sons, unfortunately or fortunately we the tables were all occupied expect for this one table that only enjoyed the company of a beautiful lady; of course my sister noticed my intentions, but who cares; I got the number at the end of it all and the rest is a story for another day. Back to Judith, she seemed to be looking for an answer probably in a hidden folder in her head, I did not interrupt. She again shifted her focus to me as if to ask ‘are you ready for this?’ I nodded my head to remind her that I was listening to her feelings. Then after a moment she let it out, “I don’t know.” At this stage I didn’t need rocket science to realize that this conversation was not healthy. It had to be ended somehow and somehow I ended it  (it sounds like a fairy tale)

As I went home I was literally counting the number of people I know who are in the category of Judith, of course I only know a handful but truth be said, and how many more are like her, many. Of course many people will tell you that these are the end time signs, ooh this generation does not fear God, oooh these are idle minds which have become devils workshop and all sort of things that armchair analysts, blind believers and their followers will say.  But as layman who understands his position in a world where: people claim to be conflict managers yet they cannot live in peace in their houses, individuals who can’t write a sentence without a mistake, call themselves bloggers, someone with meagre followers on social media call themselves social media gurus, counselling psychologists are committing suicide more than anyone else: I will stick to my role which is to think like a layman and allow the analysts to judge me on hearsay.

I don’t care if someone is gay, lesbian, Trans gender, bisexual or straight. It’s not my duty to judge them, but it’s my right to speak about them and probably speak to them. Why would someone lose interest in the opposite gender and find satisfaction in someone who is of a similar gender. Lack of morals, will be a quick answer. But let me remind you a little bit, are we the same society where we have  brought up girls telling them that:  all men are dogs, men will always cheat on you, do not submit to a man, go to school and conquer men, never allow men close to you and all kinds of theories. Boys on the other hand were canned for writing a letter to a girl on the onset of adolescence, we told them: that women will make you poor, women are selfish, women are terrible liars, a real man has a to be a lion that roars in the house, that romantic and loving to a woman is being weak and all sorts of theoretical perspectives peddled by failures in life, who have never been in a relationship but claim to be relationship experts.

Of course some of these theories just like fairy stories in the past, are important. But, my question is, who rectify the perception when these young boys and girls grow up, NOBODY. Therefore  we have built a crisis on our own , because the fact is these children will grow up one day, challenge the theory and ooops the worst happens that the first thing that life hands them is a justification that this is the reality of life, while its not. So the will seek the next second alternative, your guess is as right as mine. Let’s change the perspective about relationships and we do not risk a culture shift or else continue doing the same things, in the same way, then fast for 40 days, buy expensive anointing oil for your children etc. But I will promise you that blood pressure, diabetes and all those other diseases you dread will be your portion. Before you tell your daughter or son not to spoil your ‘reputation’ if you have any, what kind of a story have you put up for them about life, marriage and relationships? Its time to change the conversation and build our culture. We have not lost it all but I will assure you that we might not be assured of it at all if the trend continues.