I AM A LESBIAN; SO WHAT? a perspective of a gay

Part 2

My conversations with Judith here , who was only breaking out of the shell of silence and stigmatization got me thinking . My attempts to get Judith again to talk over the topic and hear her perspective were futile. I needed to hear from someone; curiosity was killing me, just as it is doing to you. So I asked one guy who is in the LGBTI category to share his story on how it started, how it has been up to date.
This guy, Brian to be specific is a man in his mid twenties, a student and a hustler. I have known him for quite a while now and he has kept his private life on low profile. He has had his share of drama in life but has continued being real to self. At first I could not even suspect that he was gay but with time I have come to learn alot about him. Being the scribe that I am , my work is to write what i hear not what i think so here is the story of Brian "I was born and raised in a conservative family, my parents were both leaders in the local church and going to church every Sunday was a norm for my sisters and I. Throughout childhood,  I could tell I was different, I was quiet, unsure of myself, socially anxious at most times. Before I even connected the word “gay” with two men liking each other, the other kids a had made it part of their vocabulary and readily let me know that I was.

I never paid any attention to their claims, it was not until Hugh school when my friends started getting attracted to the opposite sex and was I stuck with the realization that Iwasn’t at all interested in girls. Having brought up in a traditional setting, I knew I had to be 'normal' I tried going out with girls like my other friends but it just could not work.

After my first year in school, I discovered that there existed other people like I, I came to appreciate who I was. I decided to come out to my close friends, this would mark the beginning of my woes in school,I came face to face with discrimination based on who I was. I targeted by people who I confided in. Life stopped being normal for me.

Word got to the school administration and my parents were summoned to explain why their son is a homosexual, I was suspended for two weeks to 'be normal'. My family would make homophobic comments about me, my father would ridicule my walking style, I was told that my voice was not man enough, my height was put on the radar and u was prohibited from having male friends. I became some sort of a bad omen to my family. My uncles banned me from hanging out with my cousins for the fear of infecting them with the homosexual devil

My life back in school was difficult during the first week after the suspension,  my items were stolen a complain to the administration would be met with arrogance and the misfortune termed as my own making

Life took a drastic turn, I was raised as if I was my own sister, I had to make plans that a guy my age would not imagine making in a normal setting. I had to plan on how I would survive if I was disowned, life became meaningless, my father enrolled me for counselling sessions at the local church, society viewed me as a psychological case. I was lectured on how the devil was using me to destroy my family's lineage. To me I believe that We are born in a society full of contradictions, we are brought up accepting murderers but killing and bashing people whose only crime is to love differently. 

I know you have alot to say about this but the guy spoke his heart. In part 3 we shall seek to have a religious perspective on it and we shall be done on this series. 

Enjoy you reading

I AM A LESBIAN; SO WHAT?

Part 1

“Am a lesbian” Judith said this, looking straight into my eyes. That statement rang hundreds of times in my head, I could not see or conceptualize how a girl I had a crush on since the day I met her was one of the most ‘dreaded’ people in the society. I had been trying to make advances to Judith a couple of times but she always turned me down, I couldn’t understand why since I had never seen her with a man before neither had I ever heard her ‘praise’ her sponsor as many chiqs her age would do to push away the attention of ‘small fish’ like me . Judith was a dazzling beauty; her eyes spoke of innocence, her smile was enough to make you spend your last coin, even if it means consulting our friend in risky times, Mshwari. She was a down to earth girl with manners only related to a good upbringing and strict parenthood, she was calm, friendly and quiet most of the times. She could make my ideal lifetime partner!

For a moment I wanted to ask tens of question but somehow my mouth kept shut. I was trying to answer these questions as they passed through my mind. I was dumbfounded! I know you are now thinking that I had never had of any lesbian, gay, and all those terms used to describe people who do not subscribe to our way of ‘choosing partners’- just to be polite. For your information, I know many of them, and to set the record straight I have no issue with them in particular and neither am I one of them. Judith had still held her eye contact with me, I could tell that it took a lot of courage to say these 3 words, this had taken me by surprise. Why Judith why? I couldn’t control myself but ask this question, I had ignored this urge to ask a question but emotions overtook me and as they say; emotions are like an urge to pee, once you get the urge to let it out, it doesn’t matter where you are, who you are or what you want, you just have to gratify that desire.

For a while Judith hovered her eye contact from me and looked around the not so crowded Java garden city, this is the exact place I had met her 6 months ago while on a family day out, no not exactly a family day out but a familiarization day, to get a closer experience with this gargantuan (I hope I spelt this right) mall that had taken the city by a squall. On that day I was in the company of my sister and her two sons, unfortunately or fortunately we the tables were all occupied expect for this one table that only enjoyed the company of a beautiful lady; of course my sister noticed my intentions, but who cares; I got the number at the end of it all and the rest is a story for another day. Back to Judith, she seemed to be looking for an answer probably in a hidden folder in her head, I did not interrupt. She again shifted her focus to me as if to ask ‘are you ready for this?’ I nodded my head to remind her that I was listening to her feelings. Then after a moment she let it out, “I don’t know.” At this stage I didn’t need rocket science to realize that this conversation was not healthy. It had to be ended somehow and somehow I ended it  (it sounds like a fairy tale)

As I went home I was literally counting the number of people I know who are in the category of Judith, of course I only know a handful but truth be said, and how many more are like her, many. Of course many people will tell you that these are the end time signs, ooh this generation does not fear God, oooh these are idle minds which have become devils workshop and all sort of things that armchair analysts, blind believers and their followers will say.  But as layman who understands his position in a world where: people claim to be conflict managers yet they cannot live in peace in their houses, individuals who can’t write a sentence without a mistake, call themselves bloggers, someone with meagre followers on social media call themselves social media gurus, counselling psychologists are committing suicide more than anyone else: I will stick to my role which is to think like a layman and allow the analysts to judge me on hearsay.

I don’t care if someone is gay, lesbian, Trans gender, bisexual or straight. It’s not my duty to judge them, but it’s my right to speak about them and probably speak to them. Why would someone lose interest in the opposite gender and find satisfaction in someone who is of a similar gender. Lack of morals, will be a quick answer. But let me remind you a little bit, are we the same society where we have  brought up girls telling them that:  all men are dogs, men will always cheat on you, do not submit to a man, go to school and conquer men, never allow men close to you and all kinds of theories. Boys on the other hand were canned for writing a letter to a girl on the onset of adolescence, we told them: that women will make you poor, women are selfish, women are terrible liars, a real man has a to be a lion that roars in the house, that romantic and loving to a woman is being weak and all sorts of theoretical perspectives peddled by failures in life, who have never been in a relationship but claim to be relationship experts.

Of course some of these theories just like fairy stories in the past, are important. But, my question is, who rectify the perception when these young boys and girls grow up, NOBODY. Therefore  we have built a crisis on our own , because the fact is these children will grow up one day, challenge the theory and ooops the worst happens that the first thing that life hands them is a justification that this is the reality of life, while its not. So the will seek the next second alternative, your guess is as right as mine. Let’s change the perspective about relationships and we do not risk a culture shift or else continue doing the same things, in the same way, then fast for 40 days, buy expensive anointing oil for your children etc. But I will promise you that blood pressure, diabetes and all those other diseases you dread will be your portion. Before you tell your daughter or son not to spoil your ‘reputation’ if you have any, what kind of a story have you put up for them about life, marriage and relationships? Its time to change the conversation and build our culture. We have not lost it all but I will assure you that we might not be assured of it at all if the trend continues. 

Fish Story: Inspired Sunday

Worth reading...this fish story

The Japanese have always loved fresh fish

But the water close to Japan has not held many fish for decades.

So to feed the Japanese population, fishing boats got bigger and went farther than ever.

The further the fishermen went, the longer it took to bring the fish

If the return trip took more time, the fish  were not fresh.

To solve this problem, fish companies installed freezers on their boats.

They would catch the fish and freeze them at sea.

Freezers allowed the boats to go farther and stay longer.

However, the Japanese could taste the difference between fresh and frozen fish and they did not like the taste of frozen fish

The frozen fish brought a lower price.

So, fishing companies installed fish tanks.

They would catch the fish  and stuff them in the tanks, fin to fin.

After a little thrashing around, they were tired, dull, and lost their fresh-fish taste.

The fishing industry faced an impending crisis!

But today, they get fresh-tasting fish to Japan.

How did they manage...?

To keep the fish  tasting fresh, the Japanese fishing companies still put the fish in the tanks but with a small shark

The fish are challenged and hence are constantly on the move.

The challenge they face keeps them alive and fresh!

Have you realized that some of us are also living in a pond but most of the time tired and dull....?

Basically in our lives, sharks  are new challenges to keep us active.

If you are steadily conquering
challenges, you are happy.

Your challenges keep you energized.

Don’t create Success and revel in it in a state of inertia.

You have the resources, skills and abilities to make a difference.

Put a shark  a positive and self foward looking challenge in your tank in the year 2016 and see how far you can really go.... Isaiah 40:30-31 read it please ....

Shared from a friend

CALL TO ACTION: OCCUPY THE PLATFORM

Billionaire In Your Twenties

Being a billionaire is everyone's dream, but a reality for only a few of us. Reason being that we are either not doing things in the right way or we are not moving the right direction. Everyone's goal is to be more and do less. I mean who loves working that hard. But I came across this article by Tucker Hughes ( a billionaire at 22) on www.entrepreneur.com and was more than amused . Take a look and learn about 7 ways of becoming a billionaire in your early 20's

1. Age is just a number.

2. Reinvest in yourself.

3. Avoid decision fatigue.

4. Build a resilient mind.

5. Think big. Be big.

6. Be methodical.

7. Believe in yourself.

TUCKER HUGHES

CONTRIBUTOR

Director, Hughes Marino's Orange County Office

    

As of this writing, I’m 22. In the last 12 months I’ve generated a million dollars in commissions in one of the most competitive industries on the planet, where my average competitor is at least double my age with 10 times the tenure in the business. I have a master’s degree from a prestigious university, which I received when I was 20 after fast-tracking four years of school. I’ve traveled to more than 50 countries, completed 13 triathlons and have an extremely happy, stimulating life.

Things are very good -- but the future wasn’t always so bright.

When I finished graduate school, I moved to California's Orange County to launch a new office for my family’s commercial real-estate business. The first couple of months were brutal, and I quickly came to the conclusion that the success we’d have (if any) would be astronomically more difficult than I could ever have imagined. Despite being an overachiever all my life, I found myself wondering how to truly excel in the real world when it all finally mattered.

After reinventing the wheel for myself time and time again I’ve come to realize that the secret to millennial success in the business world is a combination of grit and creative thinking. Here are the seven mental shifts I implemented to turbo-charge my growth.

Embrace your youth wholeheartedly. If you spin your age as an asset, which can be done in a variety of ways, it can be an extremely powerful differentiator. The moment you begin to give yourself an excuse for not being successful is the moment of almost certain failure.

If you believe you can really make it then you will make it. Besides, there is nothing people want to see more than a hard-working, intelligent and dedicated young professional who succeeds. Create a snowball of momentum that makes people want to be a part of your life.

The safest investment I’ve ever made is in my future. Read at least 30 minutes a day, listen to relevant podcasts while driving and seek out mentors vigorously. You don’t just need to be a master in your field, you need to be a well-rounded genius capable of talking about any subject whether it is financial, political or sports related. Consume knowledge like air and put your pursuit of learning above all else.

I also believe that it is critically important to spoil yourself to a healthy extreme in order to reward your hard work and avoid burnout. Consider splurging on memorable experiences and luxuries that will enhance your lifestyle. I get a weekly massage like clockwork, and it is one of the best productivity hacks I employ.

Attention is a finite daily resource and can be a bottleneck on productivity. No matter the mental stamina developed over time, there is always going to be a threshold where you break down and your remaining efforts for the day become suboptimal.

Conserve your mental power by making easily reversible decisions as quickly as possible and aggressively planning recurring actions so you can execute simple tasks on autopilot. I know what I am wearing to work and eating for breakfast each day next week. Do you?

The biggest differentiator between mediocrity and meteoric success is the ability to work productively for hours at a time. These long stretches are when important work is almost exclusively completed. Focus is paramount and, without intentionally developing mental stamina, you won’t be able to effectively compete with those who have systematically built up their endurance over decades in the business world.

Fast track your skills by being mindful of distractions and recognizing when you begin to wander out of focus. Perform a thorough analysis of your daily activities each night and aggressively seek opportunities for improvement.

The science behind goal setting and its remarkable ability to accelerate success is infallible. If you don’t already have your one-, five- and 10-year goals written out and visible to you on a daily basis, do so right now. I read mine the second I wake up every single morning. Now ask yourself, what would have to happen to accomplish your 10-year goals in just one year?

The inherent power in maintaining consistency with your acknowledged goals can work both positively and negatively, and is cause for concern if you anchor yourself to a slower timeline of achievement. Be mindful and diligent in charting an optimal path that pushes you to your limit.

Plan your work and then work your plan. Perhaps my biggest breakthrough was large-scale automation of my marketing systems. I created a process that allowed me to quintuple my marketing output while increasing my conversion rate considerably.

The simplest way to put your own content plan in motion is to create a multi-step campaign that touches a prospect through a variety of different mediums every week for at least a month. Follow a logical order and craft your content in a persistent way, while never becoming annoying.

Not in a sales role? You can take a similar approach to any analytical, creative or administrative position by developing rigid organizational systems that help improve your efficiency when faced with repetitive tasks.

If not you, then who? Someone has to make it, and nothing is stopping you from being the person who accomplishes your wildest dreams. Nearly every person who has ever failed has had an excuse. Successful people have stories of the challenges that they overcame with creative solutions. The moment you confidently feel that there is nothing you can’t learn or develop to solve the most complex of problems is the moment of guaranteed greatness.

If you still aren’t sure how to begin, start with a promise to work towards the achievement of consistent excellence each moment of every day. This is the basic building block and mentality with which I am building my career.

Keep it simple and remember that success is not an entitlement. If you really want to excel, you have to get out there and earn it every day for the rest of your life.

Credit www.entrepreneur.com

Join Fellow young dreamers and make it happen too

Disappointed on Christmas Day

Merry Christmas

They say Christmas is the time to meet and share as friends and family. This Christmas I decided to go back to my roots, deep in Nyeri County to carry out the ‘annual ritual’. Well it has been months since I visited this place. Unlike the noisy, busy and not so fresh environment in Nai, I find a calm, receiving and fresh environment in Nyeri. I was back home. FYI this is where I  grew up, from a breastfeeding infant to a breast chasing adolescent and now opus dei, ooh wait really? Let’s leave that for now.

So I got a chance to meet some of my old friends who I only get a chance to see on Facebook, of course not twitter or instagram, for obvious reasons. I have met former classmates who are ‘happily’ married, others are single mothers, runaway fathers while some like me , have decided to concentrate and study Opus dei, please note its studying not practicing .

On 25^th evening I decide to visit the nearest shopping Centre; an old and dust place with utmost 5 shops, 7 churches, 14 bars (something usual in central Kenya), a coffee factory and one barber. I almost forgot the popular hotel owned by my neighbor, they call him Senegal>> a name adopted after him being a popular Supporter of Senegal in its heydays. Being a popular face around here, I put on hooded jumper to avoid attracting attention. Attention in our shagz means you will part with at least 20 bob for every tom dick and harry who greets you or else they will walk away saying how broke you are and praying that the gods strike you with a thunder ; this is a no go zone for a man of high reputation like me who has been unable to clear a 750 bob loan on mshwari, so its safer to hide under the hood.

Soon enough I find myself in Senegal’s hotel. Lucky for me , no one notices me easily. I settle for a table at the corner, I make a quick order of Uji Kubwa which is served in a calabash; of course it’s a tradition here. As am quietly flipping through the newspaper (dated 22^nd January 2005) , I overhear a discussion by 3 guys (wachira, Kamotho and waiganjo) who are very well known to me being that they were 3 classes ahead of me in primary school. They are discussing Kabiru, a seven years old boy who has been living with his grandma since he was born. Kabiru’s mum, Wanjira was married when Kabiru was 3 years old but the man could not take the boy since he was not his. So Wanjira left the boy with the grandmother and went ahead to be married by this guy who did not want to take up the son. For all those years, the boy has known nothing but suffering…

The story continued on and on, I was not able to concentrate as my mind tried to figure the situation of the boy whose mother sacrificed for her selfish intentions, the man who cares more about himself than a little boy who cannot even eat an eight of his plate, the woman who makes a boy suffer from her mistakes, I am disappointed in this society which allows this to happen.

Do we embrace love before ambition, what are our priorities? Why do we sacrifice what matters for what seems smarter. Do we love people for their perfections or the flaws that make them perfect? Call it judging people or whatever you may but we can do better.

Ashamed 

CHRISTMAS.

Personal reflections

This year has been something.
A twist of challenges and opportunities,
My faith has been tried and tested,
My heart shaken and broken,
But yet I can say am better and stronger.

I approach the coming season with courage,
Sharpened by my past,
Strengthened by my desires,
cautious of spirited derailers,
I am surely winning this race.

I have learnt to set my own limits,
The limitless limits,
Call me a dreamer,
But I know success is never by chance,
I am doing my calculations beyond my imaginations.

From dawn to dusk,
Christmas to Easter,
From soft to hard times,
I remain the same guy ,
DEFINED BY A FUTURE, REFINED FROM A PAST

Merry Christmas and a happy new year!!1

best wishes, take care of yourself, your life matters

COURAGE

Fear and courage are two inseparable words. Yes I just said inseparable. You must overcome your fears for you to be considered courageous, and vice versa. Majority of people might consider themselves courageous but yet they have not been able to overcome their fears. You are either courageous or fearful.

Courage to me means standing up for what you believe in and who you believe you are no matter the circumstances surrounding it. The bing dictionary describes courage as the ability to face danger, difficulty, uncertainty, or pain without being overcome by fear or being deflected from a chosen course of action or the ability to do something that you know is right or good, even though it is dangerous, frightening, or very difficult. 

You do not become courageous by just doing everything there is to prove yourself worthy, but, you become courageous by having a chosen course (principles) , standing by it and being ready to go any distance to ensure that it is done. So before you stand up and talk of or act in courage you have to build a good value foundation. If you have values, you are ready to die for them; that’s courage.

When your values define you, courage becomes automatic. When you compromise your values ,cowardice becomes your definition. We live in cowardly society, people who are not willing to stand up for what they believe in, people who compromise their values for short term gains. We have lost true meaning to ourselves, that is why corruption and other acts of moral decadence are rampant. We have not been able to stand up even for the smallest values. We are ready to compromise anything for some filthy short term gains.

Cowards piss me off. I love courageous people, people who fight for their values to their last breath. That’s the kind of a man my father brought up to be. I want to live a courageous man. A man who has the audacity to stand up to; fake systems, a compromised society, a valueless generation and established cowards and stand up for CHANGE. Have you ever stood up for something?

#teamcourage