Shy Girl: The 6 Steps before Bounce Back After a Breakup

Shy Girl: The 6 Steps before Bounce Back After a Breakup: Photo Source: thejoyofaladay.wordpress.com Everybody wants to win a breakup and you forget that, the real struggle begins after you...

Tribe ni jina, Kenya ni sisi

On Saturday I and a group of young people set out to Nyandarua county to mentor young high school students. It's not the first time I am doing it but there is something that makes this special was that I was going to a county I have never stepped foot into and more special was the young people who accompanied me. They were all from DIFFERENT TRIBES! Norah Moraa is a kisii from Nyamira county, Patrick is a Luo , Monica is Kalenjin and our host was a Kikuyu. As we travelled, joked, posed for photos and mentoring the students, we didn't do it because we were members of our specific TRIBES. No, we did it because we believe that every child in this country deserves better, not only from the government but from the society they grow up in. This is why I love being young, because youths means global. I am a firm believer of humanity, your tribe doesn't matter, what matters is our collective love and commitment to the future and the destiny of this great country. Shun TRIBALISM, commit to the future. Rise above Hate.

LIVE FOR YOUR COUNTRY

So now we are still in the streets 53 years and 7 days after the independence of this great country.  Young people have died  or have been injured as they put on demonstrations in the streets, lemmi do a quick recap to how it happened pre-independence. In those days, the liberation was led by the likes of Dedan Kimathi, General China and the likes. These guys drank, slept and ate the suffering that their followers were ‘enjoying’ .  They gave their all to the change they believed in, they did not relent or give up on the larger goal to fulfil selfish ambitions. They were in the line with their families for a course bigger than themselves. The ‘demons ‘ of the status quo feared them  because they knew how passionate they were to realize the independence of this country. Most of them died for this country to live beyond colonization. This was the same case during the second liberation.

Fast forward to today. A leader wakes up from a posh estate where house helps are paid more than MCAs. They drop their children and grandchildren to schools where presidential debates are held and shortly afterwards hold a breakfast meeting with the business community . After they have done what matters to them, they will now rush to remind you that you are poor because they are not in government, they will tell you to destroy toilets they don’t go to, burn vehicles they don’t own  and of course bear tear gas they cant withstand.  They will afterwards be driven by vehicles your whole village cannot buy even after receiving dowry for the born and unborn daughters. They will have a luncheon with the same people they were telling you to oppose and of course lift a glass for long lives and prosperity. Later that evening, they will hold a presser and throw a minute of silence (which is usually 16 seconds) for the departed souls who were your neighbours, workmates and family members. In their words they will say “ it is unfortunate that  they had to die fighting for this ‘country’ their souls give us a purpose to fight for a better country” and kaput!! That is the end of you.

Meanwhile their daughters are busy interviewing househelps, their sons are busy chasing after pretty young things and their wives are on shopping in Dubai. We shall plan a quick burial for you which of course will be another political rally. Rest in piece (pieces of trash)  brother!! Truth be told, you are not a hero. You are a disappointment to mankind and our country. This country does not want you to die for it, LIVE FOR YOUR COUNTRY. Living for your country does not mean that you shouldn’t stand up for the great ideals ,no. It means that you will work hard to see this country at a better place, not by destroying property, killing people and such like nonsense but by speaking out, embracing one another , paying your taxes faithfully, upholding integrity and voting in leaders who have a vision beyond their big bellies!!

ACTIVISM vs POLITICAL MANIPULATION

On Monday 16^th we were treated to a rather spectacular day during the #CordDemos. Well to people who have been in the streets before, they will tell you that this is how it has always been, especially on the police brutality. People from the 1980s went through this to get the ultimate goal realized. What was different in this is that, once the police descended on the protesters, the leaders were whisked off and taken to lavish hotels to watch as the common citizens were being harassed and brutalized. This tells you one thing, they are not ready to commit to the course, so why should you.

I have seen demonstrations by passionate activists such as Boniface Mwangi, Rev Njoya and Okiya Omtata among others. All these people had one thing in common, they stood on the front line and suffered as fellow protesters did. This describes passion and commitment. What was seen on Monday was a leadership which is there for the cameras and to build some PR and then when the going gets tough, they leave you to be roughed up alone.

THE TRUTH is even if you die, or you are jailed, they don’t care. Of course they will give a minute of silence in front of the cameras, but deep inside they are praying that many more will die for them to catch the attention they so badly need from local and international bodies. The will circulate your photos everywhere with loads of hashtags and even update some hypocritical ‘#RIP so and so, you fought a good fight; aluta continua’ that will be the end of you and them. Back in the village we shall conduct fundraisings for months to bury you and you leave us the trouble of taking care of your children; of course we are not proud of you.

Kenya’s politicians are protectionist to each other, they will act as enemies in front of the cameras and dine and wine in the evening. In Uganda, the leader of a demonstration is treated in equal measure as any other protester, this is unfortunately not the case with Kenya. THEY CAN NEVER DO THAT TO THEIR FRIENDS. So you will suffer alone as they make calls to each other, making business deals using your blood. That is definitely not the course you are willing to die for.

Our freedom fighters put on a course before personal interests, they were ready to die for what they believed in not who they believed in; that’s the difference. Furthermore these are not the times that you should be dying for your country, this is the time to LIVE for your country. DON’T walk a journey with people who will leave you halfway. Walk with those willing to walk all the way with you. 

Who are the people around you?

TYPES OF PEOPLE
LEAF PEOPLE
Some people come into your life
and they are like leaves on a tree.
They are only there for a season.
You can't depend on them or
count on them because they are
weak and only there to give you
shade. Like leaves, they are there
to take what they need and as soon
as it gets cold or a wind blows in
your life they are gone. You can't
be angry at them, it's just who
they are.
BRANCH PEOPLE
There are some people who come
into your life and they are like
branches on a tree. They are
stronger than leaves, but you have
to be careful with them. They will
stick around through most
seasons, but if you go through a
storm or two in your life it's
possible that you could lose them.
Most times they break away when
it's tough. Although they are
stronger than leaves, you have to
test them out before you run out
there and put all your weight on
them. In most cases they can't
handle too much weight. But
again, you can't be mad with
them, it's just who they are.
ROOT PEOPLE
If you can find some people in
your life who are like the roots of a
tree then you have found
something special. Like the roots
of a tree, they are hard to find
because they are not trying to be
seen. Their only job is to hold you
up and help you live a strong and
healthy life. If you thrive, they are
happy. They stay low key and don't
let the world know that they are
there. And if you go through an
awful storm they will hold you up.
Their job is to hold you up, come
what may, and to nourish you,
feed you and water you. Just as a
tree has many limbs and many
leaves, there are few roots. Look at
your own life. How many leaves,
branches and roots do you have?
What are you in other people's
lives?
THANK GOD FOR YOUR ROOTS!

Shared From a friend

I AM A LESBIAN; SO WHAT? a perspective of a gay

Part 2

My conversations with Judith here , who was only breaking out of the shell of silence and stigmatization got me thinking . My attempts to get Judith again to talk over the topic and hear her perspective were futile. I needed to hear from someone; curiosity was killing me, just as it is doing to you. So I asked one guy who is in the LGBTI category to share his story on how it started, how it has been up to date.
This guy, Brian to be specific is a man in his mid twenties, a student and a hustler. I have known him for quite a while now and he has kept his private life on low profile. He has had his share of drama in life but has continued being real to self. At first I could not even suspect that he was gay but with time I have come to learn alot about him. Being the scribe that I am , my work is to write what i hear not what i think so here is the story of Brian "I was born and raised in a conservative family, my parents were both leaders in the local church and going to church every Sunday was a norm for my sisters and I. Throughout childhood,  I could tell I was different, I was quiet, unsure of myself, socially anxious at most times. Before I even connected the word “gay” with two men liking each other, the other kids a had made it part of their vocabulary and readily let me know that I was.

I never paid any attention to their claims, it was not until Hugh school when my friends started getting attracted to the opposite sex and was I stuck with the realization that Iwasn’t at all interested in girls. Having brought up in a traditional setting, I knew I had to be 'normal' I tried going out with girls like my other friends but it just could not work.

After my first year in school, I discovered that there existed other people like I, I came to appreciate who I was. I decided to come out to my close friends, this would mark the beginning of my woes in school,I came face to face with discrimination based on who I was. I targeted by people who I confided in. Life stopped being normal for me.

Word got to the school administration and my parents were summoned to explain why their son is a homosexual, I was suspended for two weeks to 'be normal'. My family would make homophobic comments about me, my father would ridicule my walking style, I was told that my voice was not man enough, my height was put on the radar and u was prohibited from having male friends. I became some sort of a bad omen to my family. My uncles banned me from hanging out with my cousins for the fear of infecting them with the homosexual devil

My life back in school was difficult during the first week after the suspension,  my items were stolen a complain to the administration would be met with arrogance and the misfortune termed as my own making

Life took a drastic turn, I was raised as if I was my own sister, I had to make plans that a guy my age would not imagine making in a normal setting. I had to plan on how I would survive if I was disowned, life became meaningless, my father enrolled me for counselling sessions at the local church, society viewed me as a psychological case. I was lectured on how the devil was using me to destroy my family's lineage. To me I believe that We are born in a society full of contradictions, we are brought up accepting murderers but killing and bashing people whose only crime is to love differently. 

I know you have alot to say about this but the guy spoke his heart. In part 3 we shall seek to have a religious perspective on it and we shall be done on this series. 

Enjoy you reading

I AM A LESBIAN; SO WHAT?

Part 1

“Am a lesbian” Judith said this, looking straight into my eyes. That statement rang hundreds of times in my head, I could not see or conceptualize how a girl I had a crush on since the day I met her was one of the most ‘dreaded’ people in the society. I had been trying to make advances to Judith a couple of times but she always turned me down, I couldn’t understand why since I had never seen her with a man before neither had I ever heard her ‘praise’ her sponsor as many chiqs her age would do to push away the attention of ‘small fish’ like me . Judith was a dazzling beauty; her eyes spoke of innocence, her smile was enough to make you spend your last coin, even if it means consulting our friend in risky times, Mshwari. She was a down to earth girl with manners only related to a good upbringing and strict parenthood, she was calm, friendly and quiet most of the times. She could make my ideal lifetime partner!

For a moment I wanted to ask tens of question but somehow my mouth kept shut. I was trying to answer these questions as they passed through my mind. I was dumbfounded! I know you are now thinking that I had never had of any lesbian, gay, and all those terms used to describe people who do not subscribe to our way of ‘choosing partners’- just to be polite. For your information, I know many of them, and to set the record straight I have no issue with them in particular and neither am I one of them. Judith had still held her eye contact with me, I could tell that it took a lot of courage to say these 3 words, this had taken me by surprise. Why Judith why? I couldn’t control myself but ask this question, I had ignored this urge to ask a question but emotions overtook me and as they say; emotions are like an urge to pee, once you get the urge to let it out, it doesn’t matter where you are, who you are or what you want, you just have to gratify that desire.

For a while Judith hovered her eye contact from me and looked around the not so crowded Java garden city, this is the exact place I had met her 6 months ago while on a family day out, no not exactly a family day out but a familiarization day, to get a closer experience with this gargantuan (I hope I spelt this right) mall that had taken the city by a squall. On that day I was in the company of my sister and her two sons, unfortunately or fortunately we the tables were all occupied expect for this one table that only enjoyed the company of a beautiful lady; of course my sister noticed my intentions, but who cares; I got the number at the end of it all and the rest is a story for another day. Back to Judith, she seemed to be looking for an answer probably in a hidden folder in her head, I did not interrupt. She again shifted her focus to me as if to ask ‘are you ready for this?’ I nodded my head to remind her that I was listening to her feelings. Then after a moment she let it out, “I don’t know.” At this stage I didn’t need rocket science to realize that this conversation was not healthy. It had to be ended somehow and somehow I ended it  (it sounds like a fairy tale)

As I went home I was literally counting the number of people I know who are in the category of Judith, of course I only know a handful but truth be said, and how many more are like her, many. Of course many people will tell you that these are the end time signs, ooh this generation does not fear God, oooh these are idle minds which have become devils workshop and all sort of things that armchair analysts, blind believers and their followers will say.  But as layman who understands his position in a world where: people claim to be conflict managers yet they cannot live in peace in their houses, individuals who can’t write a sentence without a mistake, call themselves bloggers, someone with meagre followers on social media call themselves social media gurus, counselling psychologists are committing suicide more than anyone else: I will stick to my role which is to think like a layman and allow the analysts to judge me on hearsay.

I don’t care if someone is gay, lesbian, Trans gender, bisexual or straight. It’s not my duty to judge them, but it’s my right to speak about them and probably speak to them. Why would someone lose interest in the opposite gender and find satisfaction in someone who is of a similar gender. Lack of morals, will be a quick answer. But let me remind you a little bit, are we the same society where we have  brought up girls telling them that:  all men are dogs, men will always cheat on you, do not submit to a man, go to school and conquer men, never allow men close to you and all kinds of theories. Boys on the other hand were canned for writing a letter to a girl on the onset of adolescence, we told them: that women will make you poor, women are selfish, women are terrible liars, a real man has a to be a lion that roars in the house, that romantic and loving to a woman is being weak and all sorts of theoretical perspectives peddled by failures in life, who have never been in a relationship but claim to be relationship experts.

Of course some of these theories just like fairy stories in the past, are important. But, my question is, who rectify the perception when these young boys and girls grow up, NOBODY. Therefore  we have built a crisis on our own , because the fact is these children will grow up one day, challenge the theory and ooops the worst happens that the first thing that life hands them is a justification that this is the reality of life, while its not. So the will seek the next second alternative, your guess is as right as mine. Let’s change the perspective about relationships and we do not risk a culture shift or else continue doing the same things, in the same way, then fast for 40 days, buy expensive anointing oil for your children etc. But I will promise you that blood pressure, diabetes and all those other diseases you dread will be your portion. Before you tell your daughter or son not to spoil your ‘reputation’ if you have any, what kind of a story have you put up for them about life, marriage and relationships? Its time to change the conversation and build our culture. We have not lost it all but I will assure you that we might not be assured of it at all if the trend continues.